My First Lost

21st July 2016.
Forever will it be a date I will remember, I supposed.
It's a fateful day that I lost one of my student.
It is not just any other student from my school.
It is that /ONE/ of my Hostel Kid.

I was rather dumbstruck when the news hit me at 6.00 am that morning.
A cousin of him, called and inform as I was waking up to start my day.
I hung her up with a simple 
'Innalillah, okay nanti teacher inform Ustaz (PK HEM)'

And that day it all went like a routine,
except towards the end of the schooling session,
a senior teacher asked me about renting a bus to have arwah's friends visit him before he's buried.

So I did the paperwork and all that's needed,
at 12 we departed to his house.
By then, I have a small tugging unknown feeling.

Only when I was there,
I recognize the unknown feeling.
Sadness, laced with remorse and I would say deep sadness.

It certainly feel surreal,
To see a lifeless body, close enough that I dubbed as one of my kid,
no longer breathing, looking calm and certainly in peace.
With the mother's slow sob following us as we enter the place to look at him one last time,
I didn't even realize I'm shedding few drops of tears.

That's my kid,
the one that'll always greet me with a soft smile,
acknowledging my presence with a simple 'Teacher' whenever we bumped into each other,
I remember how I tease him upon knowing that he can sing.
"Jamuan hujung tahun nanti, awak la nyanyi, senang tak payah cari orang lain,"
and you replied with a excessive "Takmau laaaaa.... jangan dok panggil,"
It's only July. And you already left.
But at least I know, you're in some place better,
and everyone there will be grace with such heavenly voice.

Semoga tenang di sana, Ilyas

Till then,

Welcoming Ramadhan

And, I'm back.

I've been pondering over this idea of writing again for quite sometime and I guess this is it?
Not gonna jinx it or anything. It'll take sometime I suppose before the blog can easily be spotted as mine but for the time being, I'll let my story flow.

So, today is the 11th day of Ramadhan.
I would say, this Ramadhan is different. 
For a lot of reasons actually.
Starting with the fact that I am now working, so break fasting mean a lot different
Of course when now I am on a daily schedule of break fasting with 108 little earthlings (not so little but they are in my eyes)
It is more filled. 

I had some talk with my friends a few days before Ramadhan.
On how to be 'better' this Ramadhan.
Just because. 

After 10 days, I'd say, it is quite a success. We cursed a lot. It's our term of endearment but a small part of me was amused and at the same time impressed how easy it is for us to change it now after the short conversation/intervention/pep talk. Now, when we share some extra ridiculous or out of this world absurd, Jazakallah and Sadaqallah is at the tip of our mouth. Amazing isn't it.

It all started with you. Of course. If you want to change, with the right support and determination. You can.

Here's hoping that even after Ramadhan, this whole not cursing in Ramadhan motivation will grow into a habit.

Till then,